The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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