Non-Jews are for practice
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
