Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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