So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize