I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
