I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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