Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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