I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
