apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
