I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
