Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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