i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
