Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
