well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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