I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
