i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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