Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
