i think my mom watched the whole time
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
