youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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