My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
