I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
