Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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