Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worst night to have a conscience
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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