I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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