Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize