Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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