your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
