1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
