I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
