why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
