So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
