If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
