I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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