Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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