whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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