I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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