i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
