i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
