That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
