I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
