he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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