If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
