The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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