I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
