What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
