Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm always down for nudity.
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