North Korea, Best Korea!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Too much gin, very little bucket
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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