I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
