M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ttyl tear gas
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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