They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
