the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
