I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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