cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
