I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
