he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
