The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
