does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
