Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
