I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
