Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
