I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
