Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
