Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
