Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize