Soap is not a condiment
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
