I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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