whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
