Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
