Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
