my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
