Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize