It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
