i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
